People in love make me want to vomit
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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