i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
