i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize