Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
