You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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