dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
