Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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