Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
