i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
