i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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