allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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