My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He shit in the fireplace
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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