Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
