dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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