oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
