Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
