Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize