Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
