my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
