So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
