I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
