six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
