The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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