Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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