Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
