even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
