are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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