Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
