I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
