whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
