Your tits are I can't wait for
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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