you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
