I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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