Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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