5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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