She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
