I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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