Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
