Jerry, you need to find god
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
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