Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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