What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
