so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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