remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dick very happy bro
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize