I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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