Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You should frame my arrest warrant.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
