I wish my penis had an off switch
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
