Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
