This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize