Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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