she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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