just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
