So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
