just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
