I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
