My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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