I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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