I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
