i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
