Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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