There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
