I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
