i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
