I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
