Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
