there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize