I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
