If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
