I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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