I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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