You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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