Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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