I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
