I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
