I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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