Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize