Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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