I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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