I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
