Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
