Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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