i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just gift wrapped bread.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
