i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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