Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
