you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
