he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
