somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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