i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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