I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
