Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
