In America we eat man semen.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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