i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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