i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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