im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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