i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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