The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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